“Hi, my name is Solape and I’m a recovering performance-holic.”
I can’t pin point where it all started exactly. It probably didn’t help that I lived in a performance enabling society. But somewhere along the highway of life, I just had to be good at everything I did. I was driven. Which is not a bad thing in itself but applied at the wrong time, it could get tiring. The shocking thing about this revelation is that I knew performance was a bad idea. I would often say that performance is just the result of the orphan spirit. I believed that once you experienced the love of the Father, that was it—no need for performance in the kingdom. I knew that, or did I?
I wrote this post right after a crucial and eye-opening season of my life. I started the year determined to hit the ground running. The previous year was amazing, full of great experiences and great promises. I was intent on not letting a single day go by without reaching for purpose. I was going to avail myself and do everything I could do to see my goals come to fruition.
Then all of a sudden uh oh, I felt like everything was spinning and I was working on a 100 different things at once. I thought this is what it looked like to be productive but I was getting tired and was wondering why things weren’t moving as I expected. I had to pause and figure out what was going on in my life. I finally just dropped everything and stopped. The Holy Spirit spoke up and said to me, “I was waiting for you to tire out.” I said “huh?” He said, “Solape, have you noticed that the areas in your life where you get the most positive feedback are the areas that you’re barely trying in? And that the areas that you’re striving in are the areas that seem to show the least progress?” It was like a huge light bulb went off. I didn’t understand what it meant to trust in what God had already done. I didn’t understand how to wait patiently for Him. I had taken on a performance mentality toward my prophetic promises. I was working way too hard to make something happen that the Lord obviously wasn’t breathing on at that moment. I flat out told the Lord, “I repent of trying to make my prophetic words happen.” God’s promises for me came through supernatural utterances and that should be enough to convince me that their fulfillment must come the same way. There’s a fine line between partnering with God and trying to make our promises happen. I can’t say where that line is for you but I found where it was for me.
So what did I do next? Rest. That’s right; Hebrews 4 became my best friend.
In Hebrews 4:11 it says,
Let us therefore be diligent to enter that rest.
And that’s exactly what I did; I came to a place of rest by trusting that He had already done what He promised me. Life changed for me after that and boy was I glad. The only thing is, this need to perform and to go into overdrive mode keeps coming up. I don’t know about anyone else but insecurity and the need to find validation in what I accomplish are recurring themes for me. So I must have a deliberate, constant reminder that my worth is found in the Cross alone. This is what keeps me centered and healthy.
I think that too often we think our hearts will grow like a little plant in a planter; in reality it’s more like a Texas-size garden that needs constant tending. So when I feel traces of that performance spirit rising up, I immediately go the Word. I’ll declare, “Oh, you want a piece of me? That’s fine cause I have something for you, it’s called Romans 5:8 He loved me when I was in sin and was of no use to Him whatsoever. Or how about a little Zechariah 2:8, I’m the apple of His eye.” I keep at that until those contrary thoughts and feelings are worn out. And all that’s left is the sweet taste of victory wrapped in the Father’s love.
It’s important to note that freedom comes from a constant revisiting of truth. Yes, sometimes we get breakthrough on the spot and it’s totally permanent. Having said that, it’s important to note that life is a journey that includes lots of process. And as I go through process, I’ll come up against hurdles that’ll require me to rehearse what I know to be true. Breakthrough comes from constantly renewing my mind with what God has revealed as Truth.
So where am I today? I am being zealous to find that rest and enter fully into it. I have discovered that it takes a concentrated effort to enter into rest. Today, rest is my default and each day is an opportunity to put it into practice.
Beloved let us labor to live in His rest!
© Solape Osoba 2012
Spreading Hope 